Set Pink door up stage centre, and shelf of items stage left containing washing detergents. Stage right 2 plush chairs
Characters
- Mary (old woman in heavy winter coat with cracked leather handbag and ivory cane)
- Greg (middle aged man in suit)
Mary - (looking at washing powders, appearing indecisive). My God! The prices have gone up again!
Sound recording 1- (muffled male Hungarian voice.) Vigyázz! Vigyázz! Vigyázz!
Mary - What’s that? Where is that coming from? (holds handbag to her ear, gives it a rattle. She looks puzzled, as though she can hear something inside it. She shakes the bag)
Sound recording 2 - (shrill voice of young girl, also muffled) I can ride my bike faster than you! Hurry or I’ll win!
Mary - Oh dear... it’s finally happened. It seems I’m losing my marbles. (Shakes head and turns bag in a different angle.)
Sound recording 3 - (Slow male, monotone voice with Russian accent.) Go to the rear of the store, to the door on the left, the bright pink one, and enter the secret code 1234.
Mary - (intrigued, then shrugs) Well if this is going batty, at least it’s more exciting than selecting washing powder. (Shuffles to door and touches code box)
Sound recording 4 - code number beeps and a click
Mary - (Gingerly, opens door, enters) Hello?
Lights dimly up stage right. There are two plush chairs with Greg standing behind one of the chairs.
Mary - (voice faltering) Hello, Greg.
Greg - Hi. Nice to see you again, dear.
Mary - Where are we? Is this Heaven or Hell? You're dead, you know?
Greg- Yes, I do know. You always state the bleeding obvious! This, (waves hand around), is nothing grand like that. It's more like a holding bay.
Mary - Did you send for me?
Greg - No, it was Xenia who did that.
Mary - Who is this Xenia?
Greg - Oh, she's in charge here.
Mary - Have you been here long?
Greg - Actually, no. Although many years have passed for you, it's only been about a day for me, though there are no clocks here. How have you gotten on since I left?
Mary - Oh, it was very hard at first, but I got used to it. I never thought I'd miss your snoring.
An awkward silence. Greg looks away, as if distracted.
Greg - You're probably wondering why we are here together?
Mary - I sure am.
Greg - Well, (swallowing), it's about unfinished business.
Mary - How so?
Greg - I never told you, but I had an affair in my forties, long time ago.
Mary - You bastard! Why tell me now?
Greg - Because I can't progress until I clear this.
Mary - You want me to forgive you. Is that it?
Greg - No. Past wrongs cannot be remedied. Nothing is ever made right. I just want you to know something...
Mary - There’s more? Tell me already!
Greg - Let's not get into another argument here. I believe the stress of our shouting matches did my heart in, in the end.
Mary - So now you are saying I killed you? Come off it man!
Greg - That's not what I meant. You never understand what I mean.
Mary - Try me.
Greg - (grimacing and shifting weight from one leg to the other. He walks around to the side of the chair, leans on it.) Well, it's not easy to explain. You see, life is a sort of school, or kindergarten is closer to it.
Mary - Really?
Greg - Yes, if Xenia is to be believed.
Mary - And you believe this bimbo?
Greg - She's no bimbo. Why do you always put other women down?
Mary - Don't be ridiculous! You're the misogynist, not me. Anyway, what's this schooling business?
Greg - Well, to go into another life we need to finish whatever was left undone in the previous one.
Mary - That would take another lifetime in your case!
Greg - (ruefully) Point well taken.
They sit down on chairs facing each other.
Greg - I need to complete the relationship with you, that's my task here.
Mary - You didn't do it all that well back in life, did you?
Greg - Hear me out. This is why I'm talking to you now.
Mary - I'm listening.
Greg - Why I had the affair had nothing to do with you.
Mary - That's what all the cheats say!
She glares at him angrily, causing him to look away.
Greg - I just felt lost, closed down, isolated. And this lady at work flirted with me. God knows why.
Mary - Well you sure aren't a looker! Anyway, go on.
Greg - She offered me a beam of sunshine when I was most vulnerable.
Mary- I probably didn't know. Why didn't you talk to me?
Greg- I didn't know how.
Mary- We should have been able to work it out. We had a good thing going.
He looks away from her, looks up to the left, with a cheeky smile.
Greg- We did, but she had long hair and wore minis.
Mary - Don't you bring that up again! I was never going to be your dolly-bird! How I dress does not excuse your behaviour!
Greg - I know. I know. That was part of the problem. My problem.
Mary - Meaning?
Greg - Meaning that I should not have married you.
Mary- So the 35 years of our marriage mean nothing to you. You are tossing out all I have done for you.
Greg- Not at all, we married too young, at your insistence.
Mary - So it's all my fault?!
Greg - It was no one's fault... but the unfortunate result is that we wasted each others' lives.
Mary - So you're saying I was never good enough for you?
Greg leans back in his chair and scratches his hair, while Margaret leans forward.
Greg - No, it's not that... It's that you and I were not right, not right as teachers for each other.
Mary - You can say that again! You never learnt anything.
Greg - That's too harsh, but neither of us could teach the other the main lessons we needed to learn.
Mary - Such as what, for instance?
Greg - You needed to learn to trust. I wasn't the right person to help you with this.
Mary - Now that you mention it, you weren't particularly trustworthy.
Greg - I'm genuinely sorry about that.
Mary - And what exactly did I fail to teach you, according to your guru, Xenia?
Greg - She just runs the place but reflection is our personal responsibility. After passing, you do the well-known life review, when things become clear...
For the first time, they look straight into each other's eyes.
Mary - So what did I fail to teach you?
Greg - You weren't the right person to teach me to be vulnerable, which is essential if one is to love.
Mary - How so?
Greg - You were always concerned with mundane things, practicalities, money, the house.
Mary- Someone had to do all that.
Greg - You did very well as house manager, but I felt I did not really matter to you as a person.
Mary - How can you say that?! I loved you.
Greg - Maybe that's true, but it didn't feel like that to me. We worked well together, but I needed a heart to heart connection.
Mary - (Frowns) Why didn't you ever tell me this? We could have worked through it.
Greg - Didn't know how. I had no idea how to even start.
Mary - Obviously, it's too late now. What's the point of hanging out the dirty washing now?
Greg - Finally saying it like it is, like it was, changes things.
Mary- It doesn't change anything. We can't go back.
Greg- Sure, but freedom comes from finally admitting the truth to each other.
Mary - Do you feel better getting it off your conscience?
Greg - Better is not the right word. I feel unburdened, perhaps ready to start again.
Mary - What can you do being dead? Is there Tinder in the afterlife?
Greg - I've got no idea where to next. The logistics of how the next life is chosen are a mystery.
Greg gets up, wearing a faint smile. Mary also gets up.
Mary - So is that all you wanted to say to me, after 35 years of marriage? Weren't there some good times?
Greg - Of course there were. Our marriage was not a disaster, more like a mixed bag. There's much more to say, but we have little time here.
Mary - So our meeting is like speed dating? The bell has rung and you're about to move on?
Greg - Sort of.
Mary- What about me? The marriage wasn't always a picnic from my end either, I'll have you know.
Greg- The idea is to focus on just one thing, not on a shopping list of recriminations.
Mary - How convenient!
Greg - So, Mary, dear, it's time to say goodbye. I dearly wish we could have met each others' needs.
Mary - So that's it then? A final goodbye for a second time?
Greg - We may meet again... somewhere.
Mary - Goodbye. Wish you a good next life. (Pauses and reflects) I mean it.
Greg - You're a fine woman. Thank you. Ciao.
Light off stage right. Mary exits through door. Lights up stage left on shelving. She returns to the aisle.
Mary - Oh God! What was that? I feel as though something extraordinary happened... but I have a total blank! Am I losing my mind?
She stands there looking blank, then she comes alive.
Mary - Oh wow, this must be it! What an incredible bargain, three boxes for the price of one!
Mary lunges for the rainbow coloured boxes, and heads off stage.